Medically reviewed and approved by Clinical Psychologist and President of PsicoLuz Integral Psychology Luzmery Romero.
Almost everyone has a friend who they tell about all their problems and joys. When you fight with a friend though, seriously uncomfortable moments arise. Arguments can lead to conflicting opinions or misunderstandings that, if not cleared up quickly, can lead to anger and even cutting one another off. How do you get an angry friend back? Well, that’s an answer I’m going to explore with the help of our psychologist:
To win back an angry friend, you must first analyze their anger to find the best solution. Friends should always talk to each other with respect and sincerity, clarify what they like and dislike, while still trying to give your comrade time to smooth things over.
Close friendships are usually worth preserving. So below, I will teach you some tips to heal your broken friendship.
What is friendship?
Friendship is a relationship of affection between 2 or more people—they relate through love, solidarity, sincerity and loyalty. A friendship creates an intimate space where emotions and feelings are complicated, yet painful to lose.
What to do if your best friend gets angry with you? 15 Steps to get your friendship back
How do you get back a friend that hates you? How do I regain a dear friendship? When someone so special gets angry with you, these are the tips you should follow to make things right:
Reflect on what happened
Take some time to think about what separated them from you; what made you uncomfortable, and what might have bothered your friend. Try to remember the details of that conversation that made you both angry.
Even if you feel wronged by your friend, try to consider that you may have hurt them too. Perhaps it was you who also made a mistake. Think hard about what you did and why you did it. This way, you will figure out how not to do it again.
Take the first step
How do you get someone to be your friend again? That is a complicated job, but here I explain how you should do it:
Don’t let your pride get the better of you. If you want to revive your friendship, you must take the first step to reconciliation—either by communicating with or meeting up with your friend. The easiest way to communicate with him can be through phone calls or emails. Respectfully express your interest in talking or spending time with him.
Make it clear what you want
If the purpose you have in mind is to regain your friend’s companionship, don’t go where your mind is loaded with negative thoughts. Clear your mind and be direct about your intention to make things right with your friend.
Don’t argue with him to throw things back in his face, but rather try to work things out and talk things over.
Communicate with your friend in a positive way
If you haven’t spoken to him in a while, communicate casually; perhaps by sending him a message digitally, or the old-fashioned way in the form of a letter. Try not to remember past grudges, and share with him your perspective about the conflict and your desire to regain his friendship.
Be very careful with assumptions
If you see no justified cause for your friend wanting to be away from you, do not jump to conclusions. Maybe his anger has nothing to do with you, and perhaps he has another kind of problem.
Asking for forgiveness is probably the most challenging step on this list, but you must do it. By apologizing, you are not less of a man, nor does it mean that you humiliate yourself. Asking for forgiveness and acknowledging that you have made a mistake will actually dignify you.
If you have any reason to apologize, try to do so as quickly as possible, and be very honest. Your friend may still feel negatively about what happened between you, and may become angry with you again. But, that’s fine. Things will pass.
If you were to blame for the conflict, accept your guilt. Also, explain to your friend that you are willing to move on and talk about what happened. It would be best if you did this, so long as your friend is willing to do so.
You can tell them that you are sorry for the conflict that happened, or felt very bad about the way you behaved. You can also say to them that you would like to meet again someday soon, when they’re willing.
Think ahead about what you are going to say
To apologize to your friend, you will have to be very specific and sincere with your words. Try to speak clearly and concisely about what you think and what bothers you, but all with class and respect.
Call your friend and ask him to meet you in a neutral place
The best way to get your friend back is to talk to him personally in a neutral place, like a coffee shop. Meeting face-to-face can convey more emotions through body language than only one’s voice, and this helps to avoid misunderstandings. However, if it is impossible to see each other, call him.
Be honest with him
If you want to fix your problems with your friend, tell him how important he is to you and how much you value his friendship. But, don’t go reminding him once again about the problem you had. Try to move on from that.
Listen to what your friend wants to tell you and respect it
Listening to a person when they are talking is the surest way to show your respect for that person. You must listen to him carefully and actively, and give him the time he needs to say what he needs to say.
When your friend shares with you, listen to him actively by encouraging him to keep talking with phrases like: “Keep telling me….And then what?…Oh!” And if something is not clear to you about what they are saying, ask them to explain again.
Give your friend time to think things through
There is a chance that you are ready to talk about what happened, but your friend is not. They may not give you a positive response at first.
For your friend to regain confidence in you, allow some time to pass; problems don’t always work themselves out overnight. You don’t want him to forgive you quickly if it’s not sincere, so give him his time.
Then, when he forgives you, you must take care of that friendship so that he realizes that you don’t want to separate from him again.
This point is related to the previous one. A broken friendship is rarely solved overnight, so let your friend think about the situation. It may not be according to the timeline you expected, but he deserves your respect for his pain.
Talk about what you want to change
When you’re both ready to renew your friendship again, it’s time to talk and come to terms with your respective likes and dislikes. You both need to learn from and improve upon what has happened.
That does not mean that you should make drastic changes to your personality in order to please each other. If you feel that your friend is demanding things from you that you are not comfortable with, it is best for both of you to step aside from that friendship.
Act like you’re meeting him or her for the first time
Show interest in his life, and talk about the things you did in the past. Or discuss the people you both relate to—all this in an attempt to start from scratch.
Be persistent, but not too eager
If you notice that your friend does not respond to you—or if he does so in a hesitant manner—then you can re-communicate your desire to talk to him again.
You should do this with care, though; give him time to communicate with you, not in a rush. If he does not respond to you, then accept that he is unwilling to share with you at that time.
What do you say to an angry friend? 11 Phrases to help regain a friendship.
What do you say to a friend who is angry? How can I say sorry to my friend?
Dear friend, I apologize for my behavior with you, or if I said something that has upset you. I hope we can be friends again, and this little problem will soon be a thing of the past. I love you very much, my friend.
I am very sorry about what happened. I know we have different thoughts on this, and maybe you disagreed with my opinion, but it was never my intention to make you feel bad, and I apologize.
There are very few heartfelt friendships in life, and yours is one of them. It makes me sad to be in this situation with you, since we have been through so much together. You are like a brother to me. I miss you very much, my friend!
I appreciate your friendship, and that’s why I want this misunderstanding to be solved soon, so that we can be the best friends in the world. I miss you very much, my friend.
You are the last person I want to fight with, because you are an exceptional part of my life. I would not want to lose your friendship. I hope that soon we can talk about what happened and fix that misunderstanding.
Let’s make up soon, please. I love you very much, my friend, and I appreciate you! Your friendship is essential to me.
Your friendship, my friend, is the most important thing for me. That’s why I can bear to lose some acquaintances, but never lose someone as unique as you. Please forgive me. I promise it won’t happen again. I miss you.
I don’t stop remembering the happy moments we had when we were together. I get sad when I think that we may not live out those moments anymore because of our distance. You have to know that I miss you very much, my friend, my brother. I always carry you in my thoughts, and in my heart. I would do anything to recover your friendship again.
Although sometimes we have disagreements, that doesn’t mean that I have stopped loving and appreciating you. You are an important person in my life, because you always listen to me, bear my character, smile at me, hug me, and accompany me. I will never replace you with anyone, my great friend, so please let’s move beyond this little problem that divided us. I will respect your opinion.
I have behaved with you like a child, and you know that I am not like that. I am very sorry for the discomfort I have caused you; please forgive me, my friend, I miss you very much.
I would not want to lose our friendship because of a misunderstanding. I hope to earn your forgiveness as soon as possible.
Tips for approaching your angry friend
Don’t believe in the rumors
It is essential to know if your angry friend wants to become friends with you again. You should also keep in mind that you should never get carried away by rumors that some bystanders have spread. It is ultimately a matter between you and him.
Give him the time he needs
If you want to regain the friendship, don’t be so pushy and give your friend time to think about what happened. This time apart will also be helpful for you to think about what you don’t want to happen again.
Don’t let too much time go by
To find out what your friend decided, you shouldn’t harass them. But, don’t let too much time go by before you try to fix it. If you do, it will seem like you have no interest in his friendship.
If you have acted poorly towards your friend, the most important thing is to apologize to him, but with sincerity.
Show concern for him
Show interest in him; ask him what’s wrong with him, how he’s been feeling, and what he’s been up to. That will show you have an interest in his friendship.
Don’t make the same mistakes
If you already know why he got angry, it is best to be very careful to not make the same mistakes.
Why did my friend get angry? Most common reasons
How can you tell if someone is angry? How do you know if your friend hates you? Now I am telling you the most usual reasons:
According to our psychologist, the most common causes of losing a friend are jealousy, lying, not spending time on the relationship, unconstructive criticism, and the feeling of betrayal. If your good friends come, and most of them leave, you may be doing something wrong that you are not aware of.
I will now explain in more detail the most common causes of friends becoming so angry that they consider ending your relationship.
A friendship is based on an unbreakable bond of trust—where your friend tells you all his secrets, wishes and dreams. There is no room for any lies in this relationship. When the lies creep in, we destroy everything that we achieved through so much effort.
When envy and jealousy appear in a friendship, they damage that relationship severely. To avoid this harmful feeling, be happy with your friend’s achievements, motivate them, support them and be satisfied with their successes. The person who is not happy with your accomplishments surely wants to see you fail.
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Don’t spend time on friendship
As the song says, “distance is oblivion.” A person who doesn’t spend enough time sharing with you, doesn’t call you, doesn’t write to you; maybe he doesn’t deserve your friendship. We must cultivate every relationship to make them stronger.
Living far away from a friend makes friendship more difficult to maintain. Friends need to see each other personally to talk about their problems. That generates joy and intimacy that a message or a video cannot match.
Trying to turn them into someone else
A friend who truly loves you accepts you as you are, regardless of your faults and virtues. Trying to turn your friend into someone else can be a warning sign of tough times to come.
Friends are a fundamental pillar upon which many of us take refuge. But, if the person you tell about your problems criticizes you instead of offering advice, they do not deserve your friendship. It is essential that you know the difference between constructive and destructive criticism.
Betrayal hurts a lot and will pain your soul. A good friend must know clearly the things he can do and cannot do, and what you can consider as betrayal. Knowing this, if he does it anyway, it means that he does not deserve to have your friendship.
Not to be there when need
An essential aspect of friendship is to be present in the good and bad times. Nowadays, many friends are only there when we are celebrating, laughing, and leaving behind the moments of sadness and failures.
Staying with the person we love and appreciate should be the norm, and is the most crucial part of maintaining friendships.
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Friendship is sometimes terminated by events that are out of your control, such as distance or betrayal. You know your friend better than anyone else—you know that he will forgive you if you are genuinely repentant.
Finally, you must keep in mind that, if you do your best to get your hungry friend back and your effort doesn’t yield results, you must consider that perhaps this was not the best friendship and make the decision to let it go.