How do you become more confident and overcome shyness?

Medically reviewed and approved by Luzmery Romero M.D.

How do you become more confident and overcome shyness? How can you become more outgoing and more talkative? For many of us, it is not easy to socialize. There is no doubt that some efforts cause us more anxiety than others. We are not all the same. 

To be a more confident, outgoing, and talkative person, you must, above all, have confidence in yourself. Stop being that shy person and be consistently more self-confident. Try to talk to other people, but always remember to go slowly.

Some people can talk to anyone at any time, no matter where they go. Even if they don't know anyone, they can speak clearly and calmly. However, there are other people who, in similar situations, feel very self-conscious and incapable. They can't get a word out. 

Shyness is perhaps a little more common in men, since sometimes they are afraid to talk to women. This problem can arise due to fear of rejection, or a combination of other things.

However, I can tell you that this problem has a solution. You don't need to go to a psychiatrist or anything like that. You're not alone, and it's relatively easy to overcome the shyness problem.

To become outgoing and a little more talkative, you have to confront your fears. Those negative thoughts don't help you at all.

Your fears are the key obstacles that stop you from moving to the next level. 

How do you become more confident and overcome your shyness?

We start at this point. How do you get rid of shyness and become more confident?

The first thing you must do is stop labeling yourself as shy and introverted. It is a mistake in your thinking; it is something that has a solution. 

Start slowly

The first step to getting rid of shyness is to be patient, and work slowly. If your goal is to meet people, and to become more outgoing and talkative, then start with something easy. Try talking to a waiter, so you can put that nervousness aside. When you feel more comfortable, you move on to other people. 

Know that this effort will not be easy. Maybe you will have the wrong timing or misspeak for a moment. Stay focused, though; you will overcome it with persistence. These actions will help you gain confidence.

Get rid of negative thoughts

The second step is to get rid of those negative thoughts that are weighing you down. Fear and doubt, are stopping you from growing. They prevent you from initiating a conversation with the person you desire to.

That is why you must get rid of negative thoughts; nothing good results from them. 

The best remedy is that you train yourself think about good things; adopt a set of affirmations. You are unique, have many endearing qualities, and know that you are worthy. But above all, start believing in yourself. You are important!

Control your nerves

Reduce your nerves as much as possible, and control your emotions and be more confident. 

Overcoming shyness is not easy, but you don't have to be afraid of the journey. You must have confidence in yourself, and know that you can handle everything that comes your way. 

Putting aside your nerves and controlling your emotions will make it easier to engage in a conversation with anyone. You will feel much better in your daily life. 

Make natural connections

Be strategic about how you establish contact with various people. You must understand very well how to initiate this contact, so that it feels natural.

When you have confidence in yourself, relationships with other people come naturally. Do not be afraid of rejection. You are worth much more than you think. 

Watch your body language

Try to make your body speak for you too. Your body language is essential, not just your words. 

You have to send a message with your body. People can label you as a cold or distant person if you don't understand this.

I'll give you two little tips to keep in mind:

• Smile, but in a natural way. By smiling, we show confidence to people, and we are more outgoing in their eyes. 
• Keep your body relaxed. This point is easy; try not to cross your arms or touch your face too much. These are signs of shyness, and sometimes they are even defensive signals. They convey insecurity.

Learn how to "triangle"

Find the best way to start the conversation with a stranger. One effective way to do this is by "triangulating." You may not be familiar with this term, so I will explain it to you in detail.

When I refer to triangulation, I mean creating a sort of triangle between yourself, the person, and something you both have in common.

I'll give you an example, suppose you are in line at the supermarket, and you ask the person, "What is the weather like?" This simple phrase opens the door to a conversation.

After the person answers, you can move on to anything else that is of interest to both of you. The formula is easy: ask, and you'll find something you have in common. 

Keep the conversation alive

I'll tell you the secret to keeping a conversation alive. The previous steps explained how to start a conversation in the most natural way possible. Now, the goal is to keep the conversation alive. 

To keep a conversation alive, you should build on the previous point: triangulation. Use the topic you have in common to keep the conversation going; remember that you both like it.

The similarities between people are a perfect tool to keep a conversation alive. 

Focus on simple conversation topics. This is where you will find more similarities with the other person.

Conversation topics include: the music you like, or what school you went to, or just some friends you have in common. 

Don't over-share

Let people see your virtues and positive qualities, but also share a few of your vulnerabilities. 

Confidence is always important, but you should not demonstrate it excessively. People all have their sensitive and vulnerable side, and so it's good to show it sometimes. 

When you don't show vulnerability, you don't communicate to other people that they can open up to you either. Why would they want to? 

Even if you have just met the person, it is a good idea to reveal something about yourself, even something minor. But, before you show any vulnerability, be strategic. Try not to compromise yourself by what you say. 

Be close to the people you meet

Rejuvenate your friendships more often. Once you get a relationship, please don't take it for granted. That is a vital ingredient if you want to strengthen a friendship. You must take care of it.

For the friendship to develop, I recommend you communicate at least once every two weeks. Don't go overboard with the communication, though; at times, people need space.

You can call the person, message on WhatsApp, send an email, or even go to see them.

If you want friends, you must make the effort, and remember to keep in touch often. 

Steps to be more confident, outgoing, and talkative

Now that you are clearer on how to leave shyness and nervousness aside, remember that this is something that will take time. Here are some tips to make it easier for you to do so.

The best tips to be more outgoing and talkative:

Trust yourself

Confidence means to trust yourself. You are worth much more than you think.

Self-confidence is something that we know is not easy, and it takes a lot of practice. The main key to being extroverted is to increase your self-esteem.

Remember that we all have unique and special qualities. We do not all see nor experience life in the same ways.

Acknowledge that you feel insecure and nervous, but realize that other people feel that too. This, and many other things make us incredibly unique. 

When you can recognize that you are special and worthy, you will be able to act more confidently in front of other people. Never forget to value yourself. This will make it easier to connect with them. 

Leave behind the fear of talking to strangers 

Leave behind this fear once and for all; it is what hurts you the most. The most direct way to do this is to start talking to people you don't know very well. Find those topics which give you confidence, speak to people more, and focus on being pleasant with them. 

A good exercise to prepare for this task is to talk to someone you already know about topics you find a little uncomfortable. That will certainly push you, make you more socially adept, and build confidence.

Try to talk about other topics that interest the person you are with. People will undoubtedly view you more positively. 

Remember that practice makes perfect, so it's best to take it one step at a time. Eventually, you will find it much less challenging to start a conversation with strangers. You will dare to talk much more with people you do not know. 

Look into the other person's eyes

Always try to look people in the eye when speaking to them, but don't be defiant or confrontational. Avoiding eye contact is a clear sign of shyness and distrust. If you are a person who avoids looking, you can stir up doubts in the other person. 

Eye contact is critical, because people always naturally desire it when communicating with others. Get used to the eye contact, and you will exude much more confidence. It will also help you to connect empathetically with people; this is essential. 

It is best to look into people's eyes without overdoing it, because you might make them feel a little intimidated. That is not what you are looking to do. I also advise you to include a certain amount of humor in your conversation. This way, the person will feel more interested in empathizing with you. Use pleasant and straightforward jokes that do not offend the person. 

Show interest in the other person

One way to be more confident and outgoing is to take an interest in other people. This way, they will feel more attracted to you.

Showing interest in others is one of the easiest ways to become an extroverted person. Other people will see you as a person who cares about what they have to say.

Everyone will appreciate it if you care more about them. We all want to feel valued and have people interested in how we are doing. 

It's a good strategy for you to be the one who changes the topic during the conversation. If the person is sad, make them feel better. If they are upset, listen to why they are upset and do what’s right to make them smile. If they are happy, share their happiness. 

To have a very natural and pleasant conversation, always remember to be friendly and fun.

You may be interested in "How to make a girl notice you when she ignores you, 7 tricks."

Seek conversation with others

Just because you've started talking to people, don't stop.

Don't limit yourself to anything. Encourage yourself to have more conversations than just with the people around you. 

Start talking to people at work, on the street, everywhere. Remember that you are unique in the world. Don’t be afraid to step totally out of your comfort zone. 

The best advice I can give you at this point is to seek places where you can meet more people. There, you will be able to practice your speaking and socializing skills. 

Be kind

To be confident, outgoing, and talkative, you have to be kind. No one likes to be with an unfriendly person.

It is imperative that you smile more, that you are gentle, and demonstrate good manners with the people around you. Do not underestimate the importance of this kindness.

Without a doubt, we all gravitate toward people who make us feel good, who make us feel comfortable. 

If you are looking to be outgoing and talkative, this is one of the best approaches to take. Be pleasant and empathetic to others. That is the first step toward being a friendly person, so don't underestimate it. 

You may be interested in "How to be a social and confident man? 11 tips that actually work."

Conclusion

Finally, I want to remind you that becoming more confident, outgoing and talkative will not happen on the first day you try these tips.

To start a conversation, look for common themes with other people, and triangulate with them. Smile a lot more, which will endear other people to you. If you smile, they will view you as more approachable.

Lastly, always look into the eyes of the people to whom you are speaking.